A poem by our very own CrossFit Wanker Paul C.


He has managed to include lots of our members names, which won’t make sense to non members but its still a brilliant poem. 🙂


“The M Squared Open”

‘twas the night before the Open, and through the M Squared house,
Not a CrossFitter was stirring, not even big Scouse;
The floor had been mopped, by Damo himself,
Ready for the workout, and risking one’s health!

The barbells were racked, just as Em likes,
The rowers lined neatly, as were the Assault Bikes;
The gym was eerily quiet, most people had gone,
Ready for the announcement of 20pointOne.

When out in the car park there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my rower to see what was the matter.
I peered from the shutter to see who could it be?
It was Mr & Mrs CrossFit, Chris and Rach Gee.

Adding to the noise and the hussle and bustle,
Came the three wise Joe’s – Emerick, Norton and Russell;
I popped my head out and shouted from the door,
“Hurry up everyone, it’s the Open once more!”

Patiently waiting for Dave Castro’s reveal,
Sat Lisa, Kate, Oz and Emily Steel.
Alice, Rhi and Becky were having a natter,
Becky asks “What’s this Open thing, and why does it matter?”

In his farmer like accent, asks a curious Chris P,
“Alreet there ma petal? What workout thou’ll be?”
Now everyone’s waiting, growing increasingly bored,
“Tops off for the announcement?” screams Andy Ford.

Out of the shadows appears a six foot Adonis,
Swinging around the rig, with plenty of promise;
Demonstrating movements with finesse and such skill,
Some call him Billy Tobin, but to most it’s Big Will.

With a face like thunder and a look of distain,
arrives Lisa Martin, whose wheelhouse is Complain!
Working on pull ups and getting all in a rage,
“Just keep your core tight” encourages Emma Gage.

Over on the decks, J Sav is dropping beats,
This October will we see, a full slate of repeats?
“Please don’t be 12.1” shouts out Danni B,
“I can’t stand burpees now, after doing them with Paul C”.

The live announcement begins and viewing is compellin’
Couples are together – Gabby & James, Alex & Ellen;
Kayleigh & Karl and Lauren & George,
A shining example, of the relationships we forge.

The Open is magical, with firsts and PB’s,
A chance to increase those all important kg’s.
For most once is enough, workouts are One ‘n’ Done,
Except for Dan Richmond, and most probably Tom!

Suddenly it’s over and we know what’s in store,
One announcement down but we still have four more.
Then Rick Ellis bellows, with all of his might,
“Goodnight you bunch of ****, you bunch of **** a good night!”

Merry Open everyone x